It is Friday and I have about 2 hours of work to go and it is holidays for a month. This year has been a really long one.

Over the last few days I have come to realise a few things. I cannot change what has happened in the past I can only change the way I act, react and feel today. One day at a time, I sound like I am in some sort of 12 step program.

Yesterday I had an emotional epiphany ( the sudden realization thing, not the Jan 6 holiday). I have been scared to truly love for fear of getting hurt, but getting hurt has made me love more. I know that I may not be his true love but he loves me and loves what we have.

So the way I see it is, I can dwell in past of I can live in the now and make a future. My mission should I chose to accept it is to learn to let go and give myself truly and honestly to my beloved and together we can fill each others life with love, lust and laughter.

Now on to my running:

After a 10k Christmas Frolic on the 7th December which I ran in 55.12, not setting the world on fire but a place to start. My knee was good during the run. My hip flexor started to tighten up a little near the end but that I think was due to being tired and not as fit as I would like to be. My massage man saw me on the Monday and said that the hammies and glutes were a bit tight but that was from running low. I tend to sit on hips when I tire. So some core work and aerobic fitness the Gold Coast Half in July will be a breeze. Hope so because the flights are booked and the accommodation is being sourced.

Run Happy, Run Well Just bloody Run

Gingerbread Men speak the truth

I feel like I have walking in a fog for the past few years. Just going through the motions and not really feeling and living.

What I thought may have been true. No, that is not entirely the truth, I have always known that your true love lay elsewhere. It always has and I have known that is why things were the way there were back then. You have always had her in your heart. Yet in your own way you have tried to truly love me for who we are now. I got lazy, thought I was loved and worshipped. I took you love for granted and stopped seeing and feeling the real you. I don't know if you will ever read my email. I want you to read it so that you can know of my sorrow but I am scared that if you do read it everything will change. Can I keep going knowing what I do? Can I accept that the way I feel about you is how you feel about her. I know you love all that I have given you, a safe place to land, a family, our home but I want more. I want to be the one that keeps you soul, I want to be your obsession and I want always to be your passion. You have always been my love, my lust and my laughter.

Trying to learn how to get through this challenge is going to take some work. It is going to take some courage and an ability to let go. I hope that with love, faith and courage I will.

Bubbles

Went to the Barossa and bought Cockatoo Ridge Black, my favourite bubbles and a great cheese board made from the top of a wine barrel.

Today was a good day.

Getting through them one at a time.

Long run tomorrow so lots of thoughts to process on that one.

The End Of School

Term 4 comes to end and we have survived the year.

A busy day spent racing around to appointments and Christmas Concerts. MOE was just beautiful today as a Jingle Bell Chicky Babe.

Trying to come to terms with what is happening when I do I am sure I will clumsily spill the details here.

Regular writing seems to help .

Padme & Anakin

You are my passion, my obession, my soul keeper

9 words the changed my life, I am not Padme to My Anakin

From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm close to you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you mskes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask...

ANAKIN (continuing) If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me.
PADME...I can't. We can't. It's just not possible.
ANAKIN Anything's possible. Padme, please listen...
PADME You listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi Knight. I'm a Senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go... regardless of the way we feel about each other.
ANAKIN Then you do feel something! There's an extraordinary connection between us. You can't deny that.

Still Running

I wish that I could find the additional couple of hours I need to keep this blog up to date. What can say I turned into a facebook whore. It was new and exciting, I couldn't resist.

Well with that confession out of the way onto my running. I am back running and trying to follow a programme but it can be a bit of hit and miss with the knee. However saying that I need to also take into account a few other activities I have been doing.

• Wii Fit
• Cycling
• Wearing these

On the days I wear the fit Flops the knee lets me know that it is working harder. They are good because they are making me use muscles that have been wasting away.

Life has been crazy crazy busy, full of family and friends. Living the dream.

I plan to run the C2B no time goals as yet just aiming not getting a DNS. Closer to the event I may reveal my running goals.

Unitl the next update

Run Happy Run Free Just run

Mothers Day Classic

It has been this long since my Knee Re-con.

This is the time I did 4km's in 20:40.

That was my Gold Medal Goal to run it in a sub 21min. Silver was to finish in sub 23 min and Bronze was to run without stopping. I wanted to be able to blog about my run. It was the Mothers Day Classic and my training consisted mainly of RPM classes and 2 x 4.5km runs on Monday and Wednesday prior to the run. On Friday I thought that I may be a DNS for the race as my knee was sore and I was limping. However a day of rest on Friday and lots of shopping I mean walking on Saturday and the knee was good to go on Sunday. I found my pace easily and left my girlfriend behind after about 200m. Reached the 1st km marker in 5.25 lost track of the other markers but ran the last kilometre in just over 5 minutes. I really felt like a runner again and the buzz I got was amazing. However my back cramped while running over the bridge and is still tight today so I have to take it easy. My plan is to very gradually work up to increasing my distance and then working on pace. If I can run 6km by September I will be able to run in the C2B.

My knee is still not able to straighten and I can just manage to grab my foot to do traditional hamstring stretch. there is always stiffness and some degree of pain but when MOE had her accident it seems I gave the scar tissue a bit of a going over and I can now cycle and it seems run a little.

I can cope with the pain if I can get the joy and elation from running. It seems this girl is back from the brink of insanity and ready to argue her limitations and run herself ugly.